Disgraced Senator Harry Reid Ordered To Speak In ‘Negro Dialect’ For One Month

Story by Will Sharpe 

| Published Jan 26, 2010

Two weeks removed from the publication of his racially insensitive analysis of President Barack Obama's appeal to White America, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will spend the month of February speaking exclusively in a "Negro dialect," a punishment personally tailored by Obama himself to ensure offended Americans that Reid would get his due.

"Senator Reid's comments are inexcusable," the President remarked at a Monday press luncheon. "To me, what these comments really indicate is that Senator Reid is a man out of touch with modern America.

There's a lesson to be learned here for Harry, and a unique opportunity for him to repay his debt. So, from now until the 28th of February, Senator Reid will walk like us, talk like us, and then talk like us some more."

Obama was pleased to report that Reid, who had been delivered his punishment over the weekend, seemed to be responding well to the challenge before him. White House Officials were able to secure Reid the fabled Premium Account at free mixtape super-site Datpiff.com, allowing the Nevada Senator to download popular hip hop and R&B mixtapes at a breakneck rate of 10 tapes per hour.

"Tapes is fly, kid!" Reid admitted.

Prior to receiving his punishment, Reed is believed to have never heard neither Three Six Mafia's "Slob on My Knob" nor Destiny's Child's "Bills Bills Bills." Not once. Vice President Joe Biden was particularly befuddled that Tyler Perry's body of work had passed by the Senator's radar undetected.

"I let Harry borrow Madea Goes To Jail and Season One of Meet the Browns," said Biden. “Classics. Just pure Black classics.”

As of 8 a.m. this morning, Madea Goes To Jail could be found listed among Reid’s favorite movies on his Facebook page.

When reached for comment to shed some light on the progress of his quest for Black enlightenment, Reid made the follow statement:

“Which one of these hoes in the lobby wanna slob me? You know me, I like my dick brown like Bobby! In the duke shoot, then the bitch get the boot! Unless you lick ass and blow dicks like flutes! I like ‘em cute, round tits and fat asses! Educated, so I can bust off on they glasses!”