Chinese Citizens Finally Free To Google Search Hot Political Issues, Porn

Story by Christina Mayer 

| Published Feb 9, 2010

In a controversial move following the much-publicized hacking of several Gmail accounts, Google has removed all censorship from its Chinese search engine. In a press conference, Google’s CEO Eric Schmidt stated, “We can no longer countenance the gross repression of information under the Chinese government. No one fucks with Google.”

Support for Google’s move has been widespread among Chinese citizens. Mr. Huang Lei, owner of a company that produces baby formula in the Chinese city of Fuxin, commented, “Usually I am unable to access Internet content about Chinese government corruption, the true state of the world economy, or how much cock that tiny, blonde woman can suck,” he said. “It has really been a hardship for the Chinese people.”

Humanitarian activists have also applauded Google’s decision. “Free Internet is the first step to a free nation,” stated statesman and general good guy, Ron Jeremy. “The average Chinese citizen should have just as much right to whip out his schlong and get off at work as an American does. I mean, it’s a basic human right we’re talking about here. Seriously. How have these guys lived?”

Asked to explain any changes to his political views in light of the wider information base now available to him, Mr. Lei uttered a series of incoherent moaning noises then slumped dreamily under his desk. He declined further comment.