Child Appeals “Naughty” Designation To Supreme Court

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Dec 7, 2010

It is official: the Supreme Court will hear the case of Timmy v. Claus on Dec. 23, one day before Christmas Eve. The decision follows months of speculation as to whether the court would accept such a potentially damaging case.

Santa Claus, known internationally for his exemption to breaking and entering laws, has also had some success in giving away presents to children in exchange for good behavior.

It is this practice that caused Timmy Johnson, 10, to file a lawsuit in federal court against Claus in July. Johnson was placed on the “naughty” list in late June after an incident where he pushed another boy into a swiftly moving river. Under this “naughty” designation, Johnson is only eligible to receive coal instead of the more commercial presents he wanted.

Johnson’s lawyer, Chad Newsom, explains his client’s logic behind the lawsuit.

“This is America, and in America, we have standards,” Newsom said. “Mr. Claus, a private individual who is in no way affiliated with the United States government, is making these designations without any oversight. This is clear and obvious discrimination and my client refuses to stand for it.”

Following the announcement that the court will hear the case, Claus’ spokeself, Skippy, read a prepared statement.

“This is a sad commentary on the state of today's youth,” Skippy said. “Children simply don’t want to put in the effort to be good anymore, and they just want the world handed to them. Well, newsflash, Timmy: thing’s don’t work that way in the real world, and they certainly don’t work that way at the North Pole.”

In a break from tradition, the case will be decided immediately after it is heard. If Johnson wins, then Claus will have to shutter his toy factory. If Claus wins, it is expected that Johnson and his descendants will be placed on the “naughty” list until the end of time.