California Introduces "Three Strikes, We Kill You" Law

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Mar 9, 2010

Following several unsuccessful attempts to reform California's penal system, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has introduced his own personal plan.

The proposed "Three Strikes, We Kill You" law would replace the current controversial "Three Strikes" law, in which repeat offenders are given progressively harsher sentences. Critics allege that the current program has caused intense overcrowding of California prisons.

To combat this, Governor Schwarzenegger has decided to personally eliminate every person convicted of three serious crimes.

"I've had quite a bit of experience killing things...in movies, as you know," Schwarzenegger said. "So, I decided the best thing to do was to take matters into my own hands."

If passed, the measure would require that upon the third conviction, Schwarzenegger stand 15 feet from the bench, aim and fire at the defendant.

Members of the California State Legislature have been nearly unanimous in their praise for the plan.
"This completely eliminates any need for me to actually solve this problem," a jubilant Senator Mitchell Polelle said shortly after announcing his unequivocal support for the program. "Thank God I can finally get back to watching the state debt clock rise."

The plan is expected to pass by Thursday morning. The first execution of the law is expected to take place shortly afterword, when elderly felon Paul Foster is brought before the court on drug trafficking charges.

According to Governor Schwarzenegger, the only problem has been deciding which of his movies to quote after carrying out his part of the law.