Bonnaroo'd

Story by Meagan Jungman 

| Published Sep 7, 2010

A friend once described the Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival in Manchester, TN. as “the exact middle ground between hell and paradise on earth.”

I don’t know if that’s true, but one thing’s for certain--Milton ain’t got shit on Manchester.

Consisting of four days filled with iconic performances, soul-crushing southern humidity and enterprising, capitalist asshats, Bonnaroo isn’t a place for the faint-hearted or meticulously clean. One has to shed the shackles of contemporary comforts and embrace the bugs, the drugs, the mud and the heat. Also, the shit. In a tent-city of 80,000 people, 2,000 Porta-Potties, and $10 vegan-friendly burritos, one has to come terms with the terrifying fact that everyone poops— explosively. The ceiling of every restroom is a gravity-defying Sistine of shit. Never look up.

However, Bonnaroo isn’t all Tennessee sun, shit and sadness. I cannot think of any other place where a person could actively witness Stevie Wonder and Jay-Z perform back-to-back, purchase psychedelics from a Deadhead, and obtain a grilled cheese sandwich for two dollars—all within the span of several hours. It’s all just part of that magical Bonnaroo experience.

Be that as it may, I probably would have had a better time, had I known what the hell I was doing. Winging it is well and good, but so is avoiding sunstroke. A three-day, outdoor music festival transcends camping and concerts—it is a beautiful, dangerous hybrid that doesn’t care if you dance or die. Drugs or no, the body takes a beating —especially a soft, fleshy, nonathletic body such as mine.

And so, my fellow peers, have you not had the pleasure of already discovering the nuances of Bonnaroo, I urge you to remember this wisdom. It will play a key role in generating a positive experience as well as your survival:

Be prepared. Be wealthy. Drink water, never beer. Always, always, always carry toilet paper. Don’t expect rain, it won’t come. Make sure you get an event schedule--they don’t last long. And always remember that if you’re not feeling Something Else, This Tent is by Which Stage, which is a sizeable journey from That Tent, so give yourself enough time to walk, or you’ll miss the show.