Board Of Regents Blows Off Steam With Pillow Fight In Emptied Classics Department
| Published Apr 19, 2011
Above: University Board of Regents member Walter Larson attacks fellow Board members with a goose-down pillow after stressful deliberations.
Photo illustration by Dylan Bliss.
“So we cruised over to Burnett Hall, and used the quite recently vacated rooms to have some good, old-fashioned horseplay.”
Larson was one of the first members of the university’s Regents who, during the Board-mandated Clove cigarette break, snuck into the deserted graduate office of the Classics department, a division of the college’s Humanities department as old as the university itself.
It is also reported that, during the spur-of-the-moment hijinks, a pillow fight erupted amongst the members. The battle came to an abrupt end when the members realized they were approximately 20 minutes late to the Board’s second session that evening.
“What can I say?” continued Larson. “You wouldn’t think the Regents would be the kind for these shenanigans, but when we throw down, we go hard.”
University Chancellor Harvey Perlman was also on scene to offer comment.
“Just to set the record straight, it wasn’t only the Classics department... I also heard there was a bomb-ass kegger in the old Department of Industrial and Management Systems office.”
The official Board of Regents schedule indicates further meetings will be held this week to discuss other uses of the hastily vacated space. Sources close to the Regents disclosed that both a Slip-n-Slide and Bouncing Castle are viable candidates for the space.
“To be fair,” said Chancellor Perlman “Classics is just reading old books and shit. It’s not like it’s hard. People read books every day.”
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