Bo Pelini Guest Column: I Can't Wait To Parlay This Move To The Big Ten Into A Job At Ohio State
Story by Alex Wunrow 
| Published Sep 14, 2010

This summer was awesome. Not only did we move to the Big Ten, but ol’ Tommy and I were promised Ohio State in the championship game next year. Things couldn’t be better. Oh wait, of course they can. I’m eager to announce my plans of taking the head-coaching job at Ohio State in 2014.

Click to Enlarge
Above: Ohio Native Bo Pelini Photo illustration by Courtesy Photo.
Don’t get me wrong, I bleed red — scarlet to be exact — and absolutely love being treated as a deity throughout the entire state of Nebraska, but it’ll get old eventually.

The Nebraska media is great. The entire Journal Star staff panders to my every desire and strays away from any question that could possibly put me on the spot.

Hell, on top of that I have my own clothing line, and am soon planning on releasing my very own fragrance called “Bo Nose.”

Why leave all this? Well, let me tell ya. I used to roll with the Youngstown Head Smashers back in the day — which is how I was discovered and recruited by THE Ohio State University — and I made a pledge with a bunch of my fellow Head Smashers that one of us would be the head coach at Ohio State before we turned 50.

Fortunately for me, I’m 42. This gives me eight solid years to prepare myself for the most prestigious college-coaching job in all of the Midwest.

My plans are pretty simple. I signed an extension with Nebraska that runs through 2014, a carefully chosen year as it is the year that Jim Tressel is slated to retire and move into a cushy job as athletic director, just in time for me to take over my dream job.

I immediately booked my own hour-long time slot on ESPN as soon as my boy LeBron James had his decision nationally televised, and it’s already got a fancy title and everything. It’s called “F*ck it, I’m goin’ home.” Skip Bayless told me it will have double the viewership of LeBron’s show, and Google Maps has already agreed to broadcast the entire state of Nebraska pulling the knives out of their backs. Feelin’ good about it.

Can’t wait for 2014.

-Bo Pelini

Comments

1
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Wait till Bo gets ahold of Alex!
--dinger3322
2
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Alex, Even if your story were credible (and not just some rabble-rousing beat assignment that you want credit for), it is out-of-line, untimely, and ou-of-place. Find another news venue at another school. This is Husker football season and you are an unwarranted distraction. If you bleed red, then concentrate on the positive. Take it out to Colorado, they need a laugh.
--Mike E.
3
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
It's a joke, Mike. Although admittedly its a pretty pedestrian example of satire. You'll need to step it up, Alex, if you want to get a cushy job at The Onion.
--Me
4
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
The only way this could happen is if Ohio State promised Bo that the towel boy and sweep jockey would be Steve Petersen. Then, only maybe.
--1audiofile
5
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
I think we may have just read Alex's last column for the Daily Nebraskan, and possibly his last one ever.
--KansanHusker
6
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Don't you have anything more intelligent to write about?
--VA Alum
7
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Alex, you need to meet Jesus Christ face-to-face, and without a moment's delay. God bless you!
--Dick Paulson
8
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
This was a horrible arguement. If he was trying to be funny, he wasn't (possibly because I wouldn't like Bo to leave, but he wrote poorly also). And I hate when people say Nebraska is a coaching stepping stone, tell that to Devaney and Osbourne. And when he said most prestigious coaching position in the midwest is Ohio State that is crap. Maybe he should have realized that in the past 50 years, out of ALL FBS schools, that Nebraska has the most wins. So much for Ohio State being the most prestigious coaching position in the midwest
--Eric B.
9
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Wow! The Daily Nebraskan somehow now seems to have a toilet paper quality to it. Congrats Alex! Not too many people could do that with a single column!
--Lanny
10
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 6:35 pm
I thought it was pretty funny. Everyone who is bashing the article does not know how to take a joke. As an avid Husker football fan and student, I would hate to see this happen; however, it is a very reasonable possibility and makes perfect sense. Alex, keep up the fun writing. It is your job to write these stories and the only reason the haters are not liking it is because they don't have enough talent to write a story like this.
----Justin
11
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
No sense of humor...not Alex, the others. Lighten up Corn nation. No ones blood is more red than mine, but this is obviously just a humerous diversion for the writer and if that's not apparent to you 3 sentences in, go back to reading your media guide.
--Billy P
12
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
WHY WOULD BO GO THERE.... It's a step DOWN...Nebraska leads O.S. with most wins in college football history. Nuff said......
--Houston Husker
13
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
I think this could.happen. Who doesn't want to coach their alma mater?
--Ryan
14
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
The Ohio State IS the ultimate job in the midwest--quite possibly in the nation. They have the highest athletic budget, nearly the largest stadium in the country, and generate more revenue than any other athletic program. I bleed Husker red, but truthfully, we're not as big of a gig as OSU. Their state population and national following of alums is bigger than NU.
--Derrick
15
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Apparently no one has taken the time to look at the letter head and the URL on this article. It is from the Dailey(er) Nebraskan NOT the Daily Nebraskan (www.daileynebraskan.com). Obviously a parody piece meant to rouse and rile up the Husker masses. Just some knock-off hack writer.
--Bryan W - Austin Tx
16
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Pardon my spelling in the previous post. It should have read: The Daily(er) Nebraskan and Daily Nebraskan (www.dailynebraskan.com)
--Bryan W - Austin Tx
17
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 8:32 pm
I think this could.happen. Who doesn't want to coach their alma mater?
--Ryan
18
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 9:24 pm
Ohio St. is nice, but isn't Texas the biggest dog as far as dollars go? And I think the Huskers has a bigger fan base?
--Mark
19
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Dopey article!
--Dan
20
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
That was a pretty funny article!! It had me confused for a second. I think Bo will be around for a long time. However, if the job does open I'm sure he would contemplate the idea. I know he feels at home here in Nebraska as well as his family. Chill out fans we are going to have a good coach for a while.
--Ben
21
Posted Sep 15th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
I live in Columbus, Oh. Many OSU fans are thinking the same thing, although, maybe not the same time frame. I hope it doesn't happen. GBR
--BigRedDid
22
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 3:07 am
Dick Paulson wanting you to meet Jesus was the funniest part of this column - if only everyone reads the comments. Unfortunately this is a "voice" issue; the tenor is forced and overwrought. But hey, maybe you can meet Dick Paulson and he'll introduce you to Jesus...
--Frank
23
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 5:39 am
Alex, you forgot the best: "Nebraska, The Good Life"
--Bob
24
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 5:49 am
Ok first off Texas is number one in athletic revenue, notre dame is number 2, nebraska is number 4. not sure who number 3 is. When Pelini was at LSU he got job offers but his response always was "its not nebraska" so i doubt he would want to leave because he compared other jobs to nebraska not ohio state.
--Ben
25
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 6:57 am
This is just a lame attempt by some moron college kid trying to be "edgy". No need for everyone to get all bent about it.
--Nate
26
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 10:04 am
Aw, the article was alright. Would have been better if Alex mentioned that Tressel would make Bo wear those sleeveless sweaters.
--Tony
27
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Funny how normally, very few people would read this article. But, it showed up on Huskerpedia.com and now 26 people have commented. Alex, how did you land this article on Huskerpedia.com? Well, it all falls like dominos, dominos.
--Funny
28
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 11:32 am
I agree with Justin, it is funny and it could happen. Time will tell...
--Cheby
29
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Wish this was funnier and better written but looking at Alex's other stuff it looks like this is as good as he's gonna get.
--John
30
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Not sure Ohio State would target Bo. Certainly, not because of his ability, but I anticipate Mr Tressel has some allegiance to members of his staff and will groom the next OSU coach from within. Furthermore, I doubt Bo would want to face a slighted Husker Nation on a regular basis within conference. I imagine the Gator's take a little more joy kickin' the Ol' Ball Coach's butt whenever possible - and Spurrier even had a stop in the NFL before he landed at SC.
--C-Bus Husker
31
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Alex, funny article - nice job!
--Dave
32
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
who'd a thunk it? a college(wannabe j-school) kid quit texting and twittering long enough to write a silly column. did rhiannon help him?
--jeffrey
33
Posted Sep 16th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
who'd a thunk it? a college(wannabe j-school) kid quit texting and twittering long enough to write a silly column. did rhiannon help him?
--jeffrey
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Posted Sep 29th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Very humorous concept, Alex. The LJS and "Bo Nose" references were spot on. I do think, though, that the rest of the article reads a little bit contrived. If you're to write another guest column as Bo (which I hope you do), I suggest, perhaps, that you inlcude things in the article that Bo would actually say in person. He caricatures himself in every interview he does, while at the same time being completely incorrigible and obtrusive (something I love about him). Try to capture that, for the people who appreciate the nuances of Bo's personality. You're a talented writer, I hope you give it a shot.
--Danny
35
Posted Sep 29th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
And for everybody who takes issue with the author/content of this article, I'll leave you with a quote: "There are pluses and minuses to everything. At the end of the day I really don't care." - Our favorite, Mark "Bo" Pelini. I live and die for Nebraska football (still weep alone sometimes when I think about K-State in '98), but please, for the love of Tom, stop making the rest of us look so stupid.
--Danny
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