Biden Cock-Blocks Obama

Story by Matt Sueper 

| Published Oct 11, 2011

Monday, October 3 marked the First Couple’s 19th wedding anniversary, so, according to the White House, Barack and Michelle Obama celebrated like any married couple might. Barack arranged lavish dinner reservations at Restaurant Eve in Virginia. The couple were there for the president’s address to a gay rights organization.

According to sources, after a lovely dinner, the couple were escorted to a secret cabin deep within a Virginia forest for a little bit of good old-fashioned anniversary hanky-panky. The plans were completely secret.

However, not even the Secret Service caught on to Vice President Joe Biden’s antics as he followed the couple from the restaurant to the cabin. Shrouded amongst the trees, Biden spied on the First Couple with military-grade binoculars.

“You would think the president would at least close the blinds,” Biden commented, chuckling. “Once they started getting into it, I made my move.”

Biden said he then moved from cover in the trees, past the Secret Service, and into the cabin. Once inside, the vice president said he just “followed the ‘Oh, Mr. President’ moans until he found the correct door.”

“Then I kicked the door in. I had my super-soaker on me, so I sprayed ‘em down,” Biden said, falling out of his chair laughing. “Those kids were so fucking scared.”

Wiping tears from his eyes and getting back into his seat, Biden continued, “I said, ‘You just got cock-blocked, motha fucka!’ and I ran out.”

Asked if he regretted his actions, the vice president commented, “Shit, yeah. I wish I had thought to take a picture.”