Biden Accidentally Joins NAMBLA
Story by Christina Mayer 
| Published Feb 15, 2011

The nation’s pundits were in a furor this week as news broke that Joe Biden, Vice President of the United States, is now a card-carrying member of NAMBLA.

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The North American Man/Boy Love Association, whose controversial views on what is legally defined as statutory rape have drawn heavy criticism, offered no comment about their new member. Biden, however, was vocal about his decision.

“I love meatloaf, especially when it’s in fun shapes I can play with,” he told a confused press corps. “So naturally, I joined NAMBLA.”

It soon became clear that Biden was under the mistaken impression that he had joined the ‘North American Meatloaf-Bikini Lovers Association,’ a group which exists only in Italy and Ohiowa, Neb. Upon being informed of this fact, Biden was duly horrified and hastened to explain himself to the American people.

“Every time I see my wife, Jill, wearing a meatloaf bikini... I just go nuts,” Biden told Katie Couric two nights ago. “They’re surprisingly sexy, and absolutely delicious with just a dash of hot sauce. So when I saw that NAMBLA was actively recruiting, I joined up without a second thought or, to be frank, any background research. In my defense -- the ‘man/boy love association?’ That’s ridiculous. Meatloaf-bikinis are much more common than relationships between creepy old guys and little boys, I’m sure.”

The White House has yet to release a statement about the controversy, though Michelle Obama reportedly broke the First Ruler over Biden’s knuckles. Biden was later seen skipping happily out of the White House kitchens, fudgesicle in hand.

Cristeta Pasia Comerford, the Executive Chef in the White House kitchens, offered a harried comment as she prepared dinner.

“I just felt so bad for Joe. Michelle is very strict, and Joe gets sad when he’s lectured. Ice cream always cheers him up.”

Wrapping up her interview, Couric touched on a subject that has had many Americans wondering.

“I already paid for a three-year membership,” Biden said apologetically. “And to be frank, that’s 95 dollars I won’t see again. So, to answer your question -- yes, I think I’ll keep my membership.”

He added with a smile, “Maybe I’ll get Barack to join, too. I bet Michelle would look smokin’ in a meatloaf bikini.”

Comments

1
Posted Feb 15th, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Oh..... I doubt it was an accident.
--Tim
2
Posted Apr 23rd, 2012 at 6:58 am
?It's plain what Biden said. Even with a comma/period, he derided all the prior black noemnies as "[not] mainstream," then went on to describe Obama as all the great things a presidential candidate tries to be ...as if that's somehow a great, "storybook" surprise. Why would it be a surprise? I guess we might have to look at the previous clause, sentence, or whatever for context, wouldn't we? Biden's saying, "Gosh, Obama doesn't even look or sound like one."Or, you might ignore the period some people want to place between two incomplete sentence fragments and conclude that he's saying that all prior presidential candidates were inarticulate, unclean, ugly, etc. If you omit the comma/period, it's actually the lesser crime because then he only disses a handful politicians rather than a whole race.No matter how you slice and dice it, there's no clear indication that Biden's actually pretending to read the minds of the voting proletariat. No, I think you have t
--Nim

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