Area Man Can't Believe There Are Two Koreas

Story by Egon Sinclair 

| Published Sep 8, 2009

Earlier this morning, Carl Hagenmoser officially "called bullshit" on his son's claim that there exists both a North and a South Korea. The 55-year-old unemployed Lincolnite refused to yield his position that Korea was a single, unified country of an ambiguous size and shape "somewhere over in the middle of Gookopolis," even after his son fetched a fourth grade geography textbook illustrating the contrary.

"Well, we got a North Dakota and South Dakota and they ain't two different countries," retorted Hagenmoser, whose only knowledge of either Korea comes from watching countless hours of M*A*S*H with the sound off.

"Now he's telling me that one of them is on our side and one ain't," Hagenmoser smirked, twirling his finger beside his ear in the universal "crazy" motion. "Oh, and the evil one is run by some kinda crazy-ass midget. That's some real Star Wars dark side/light side crap going on, if you ask me.

"We should just nuke all of Asia and be done with it."

Sources close to Hagenmoser confirmed that his correctly identifying which continent North and South Korea are part of was mere guesswork, a one-in-three chance pick from his list of "whole fuckin' continents we can do without."

Sources added the list would include four continents, provided Hagenmoser knew about Australia.