Another Damn Snorlax In The Road By Officer Jenny

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Oct 26, 2010

I put up with a lot. Roving gangs of Squirtle doing unspeakable things to unsuspecting townsfolk. The complete takeover of a electrical facility by rapidly multiplying Grimers. And, of course, that stupid Pokémon breeder constantly hitting on me and members of my family.

But this, this is just too much. Picture this with me: It’s rush hour. A two lane highway. Thousands and thousands of spectators leaving the Master Arena after a Pokébattle. Every single one is southbound. Road rage, unlicensed Ponyta races and four separate Scyther related carjackings. And then this.

Another goddamn Snorlax, dozing lazily in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD.

No one can drive past it. A semi crushed its’ engine trying to drive through it.

This just figures. The biggest damn Pokémon of them all, sleeping the last place I need it to be.

Life is simply unfair. Because there’s no way to handle this. It’s illegal to kill it, especially after that ill-conceived “Snorlax population reduction” plan. I told them not to use Gyrados, but did they listen? Nope. And the blood took forever to wash off.

And the economy doesn’t help. Aside from a few of the traveling trainers, no one can afford a Pokéflute. Budget cuts hit my department hard. Our police Pokémon have to now entirely subside and eat in Pokémon Centers. I never thought I’d see the day when my Pokémon were on government assistance. It sickens me.

Maybe we could get a Dragonite to fly it away? Nah, that’ll never work. Most of them are in the fighting circuit nowadays. How did we get to this point? Most of the useful Pokémon are being used to fight the other useful Pokémon. This society really has its priorities backward.

You know what? Let the Snorlax sleep. Let these ungrateful heathens figure out how to deal with it. I’m going home. I’ve got a Togepi waiting, and I’m pretty sure “Cops: Saffron City” will be on. Gotta live to fight another day, you know?

The people I serve are great, I guess. And don’t get me wrong, I really love my job sometimes. But it’s days like this where I just want to hop on the back of the company Pidgeot and fly away. Fly somewhere far where none of this matters.... maybe Pallet Town. Nothing important ever happens there.

It’s settled. Maybe I can give Oak a piece of my mind at the same time.