American Jobs Act Is Destroying Real America | By Rick Perry

Story by Rick Perry 

| Published Sep 20, 2011

Good morning, America; are you mad? Because if you aren’t mad, you should be. It’s been a bit over a week since our current “Commander-in-Chief” delivered his “solution” to the slagging “economy.” But you wanna know what? He is full of it.

Don’t believe me? Fine, I’ll show it to you. The American Jobs Act claims it will do several things.

1. Cut the payroll tax in half for 98 percent of businesses.

Shoot! Gee wiz! 98 percent of all businesses are going to get their payroll tax cut in half? Let me repeat: shoot!

I’m just messing with ya’ll. EVERYONE knows that the top two percent of all businesses are the only ones that actually make any jobs. Cutting the payroll tax to the other 98 percent is essentially like giving every girl at one of your college parties ONE vodka shot. Oh, shucks! Everyone is going to get buzzed off their ass! G’Dangit!

No, that isn’t how it works. These girls will just continue to ignore you and continue to NOT be blackout drunk.

This is not what you want. But if we give all 98 shots to the two hottest girls at the party? DEAR
GOD, EVERYBODY IS GETTING LAID.

2. Modernize at least 35,000 public schools across the country.

This really peeves me off. Please explain the logic in this? If we are just going to be giving kids nicer schools, how is that going to motivate them to get out and find a job?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want all of our lazy students to get comfortable in their learning environment. Next thing you know, they are going to want “secondary education” and “employable skills” -- these are all frightening things to the reasonable, common-sense American.

If we give everyone a fair shake at the system, how are we going to give all the smart kids an advantage?

Our educated white populous has been raised to feel a sense of guilt about its upbringing compared to the common minority. This so called white-privilege is what has helped the great state of Texas to keep all of its firm religious morals. And now we are forced to deal with a new sort of white guilt, which strikes when our kids aren’t even admitted to the same prestigious universities as all of the minorities. None of this sits well with me.

3. Expand access to high-speed wireless.
Now the mainstream liberals are trying to shove their ‘internet’ down the country’s throat? Haven’t people figured out that there is nothing but porn on that thing? Jesus Christ, as a conservative Christian male, I am insulted.

I’m white, I’ve been on the internet, and I can vouch that poor people don’t need another distraction from finding a job. Because God forbid someone would utilize the capabilities of the internet to help people find work or inexpensive housing. And now that newspapers are dying out, there is even less hope that these poor unemployed Americans will ever get a shot at finding a job using the good ole’ classifieds.

So, where are all the jobs?

Damn fine question; but the reality is, I don’t know.

Did the illegal immigrants take them? Did Obama kill them off with his liberal policy-making? Were the jobs ever there to begin with?

We can hope, pray and scream at each other until we are all sore in the throat, but I’m not sure what that will accomplish. It may make me feel better, and fuel some nasty rhetoric, but at the end of the day, who’s broke?

You.