All Of Jennifer's Eggs Recalled

Story by Alex Wunrow 

| Published Sep 7, 2010

Amid escalated fears initiated by the recall of 228 million tainted eggs from the Wright County Egg Co. the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has issued a complete recall of every single one of that bitch Jennifer’s eggs.

Despite the 300,000 eggs that Jennifer, 22, still hides away in her ovaries, the FDA has shown no qualms in labeling every last one of the putrid follicles “tainted, and more over, harmful to humanity in every single facet.”

The news has brought light to an illness long overlooked in many women, both young and old—Constantly-Underwhelming-Nauseating-Trauma (C.U.N.T)—where the woman, usually between the ages of 14 and 52 is constantly leaving every man that they intimately interact with feeling sullenly underwhelmed with undying nausea.

Such happenings are not uncommon, and many men falsely diagnose their girlfriends with the condition (C.U.N.T). The prevalence of such misdiagnoses has created quite the outrage from the National Organization for Women (NOW).

“Women cannot stand to falsely be labeled a ‘C.U.N.T’” stated NOW president Terry O’Neill. “Is it all of us [C.U.N.T’s] fault that men can’t keep themselves from being complete D.I.C.K.S”

The issue stems from most males’ desire to be encompassed with a woman that leaves no questions or mixed emotions on the table. These unrealistic expectations, combined with the woman’s very own unrealistic expectations are what keep most couples from ever experiencing any semblance of H.A.P.P.Y.

UNL grad student and occasional lady’s man Eric Langely had this to offer: “it’s like the ladies don’t understand, an egg recall should be a good thing, it means I ain’t gotta worry about being a baby daddy, and can focus solely on bein’ a suga’ daddy, can ya digg it?”

President Barack Obama could not be reached for comment.