Ag Major Stoked To Learn "Tiger Farming" Exactly What It Sounds Like

Story by Egon Sinclair 

| Published Mar 29, 2010

After investigating an odd headline that caught his eye on CNN.com, sophomore agricultural economics major Anthony Tisdale reached previously unfathomed levels of "stokeitude" when he learned the process of tiger farming is exactly what it sounds like.

"Basically, some people are talking about conservatories that raise tigers for their body parts in an effort to offset poaching," said an enthusiastic Tisdale. "Yeah, it's sort of a moral gray area, what with the breeding of these noble beasts for the sole purpose of harvesting their organs, but tigers, dude... tigers!"

As tigers flirt with extinction due to rampant, illegal over-hunting by those hoping to cash in on the big cats' perceived value — ingesting crushed tiger whiskers is a homeopathic remedy for hemorrhoids and crushed up tiger dong is thought to be an aphrodisiac — one proposed solution is the creation of tiger farms, where the animals are raised, slaughtered and then processed into a number of tiger-based commodities.

"I feel bad for them, don't get me wrong," Tisdale said. "But I've spent the past two years thinking I'd be stuck ranching or tending chickens or some lame shit like that. I mean, if you're going to raise an animal for the sole purpose of eventually killing it and stripping it of anything useful, it may as well be a tiger."

"Tigers, man," he added.