Abortion Organization Finds Depressed Feti Are Aborting Themselves

Story by John Hammond 

| Published Nov 11, 2008

The National Abortion Federation issued a startling report yesterday. The number of autoabortions occurring in America sharply increased.

For the record, an autoabortion is not a miscarriage, but rather when a fetus is aborted without attempt or treatment. In essence, it is when a fetus aborts itself.

America’s top prenatal psychologist, Arthur Frontaut, thinks he has an explanation for this.

"America’s feti are becoming more and more depressed,” Frontaut said.

“They can hear their parents talking through the walls of the womb about the wars and the economy. The unborn feel that they have nothing to be born into and therefore will commit suicide on a fetal scale by aborting themselves.”

According to Frontaut, the autoabortion rate has risen a staggering 87 percent since 2004, right around the time the economy started to show signs of decline.

There is another explanation for why so many feti are self-aborting.

“There has been such a rise in the size and scope of the ‘emo’ subculture in the past few years, it has inevitably spilled over into the unborn culture,” said Charles Knowle, a cultural anthropology professor at Harvard.

“The rise in ‘emo’ numbers, combined with the increased numbers of teenage pregnancies, and the fact that all the teens these days seem to be ‘emo’ means that a fair majority of teenage mothers are carrying emotionally unstable unborn.”

There has even been scientific research conducted into whether “emo” is a genetic condition.

“We have been studying the stem cells of autoaborted feti for about three years now, and about half of all cases carry a commonly altered gene attributed to emotional stability,” said Angela Neugg, a genetic engineer at the Berlin Institute for Perfecting the Human Race.

“We call it the ‘E’ gene. Those who carry it are much more likely to shun social situations and be ungrateful for any privileges they are given.

“This also puts to rest the question as to whether one is born ‘emo’ or if it is a choice.”

Focus groups have formed to try and find a solution to this problem, and several suggestions have been enacted, though to no avail.

“I don’t think there’s much we can do about this,” said Babette Austen, a spokesperson for NAF.

“I think that as soon as the current economic political climate cools down, and as soon as all the kids move on to a new fad, autoabortion rates will naturally balance themselves out.

“Then we can go back to aborting the old fashioned way. How the fetus feels has nothing to do with it.”